Miss me? Well, there’s always more than what’s more.
can u miss something that you dont miss? If you miss missing something that you don’t miss anymore like u used to, does that mean something more than merely wanting to feel that something again? Before, when you thought you used to make sense. of when you could better articulate what your senses sensed? When you could dig deep and at least present those existences with words as in a blog site. As in a song. As in a blank now filled sheet of white.. paper?
It seems as though the more I grew, the more I knew, the more I’m experiencing, the greater my headaches, the lesser my words. the more painful my searches, the easier I move on and do on. For something else. For someone else. For what He says. For everything besides myself. Its funny I say this. because its exactly what I asked for. And what I will continue to, ask for.
I just want to feel deeper. I want to sense that endless whirl of emotions and expressions of the heart, of the very being of me. Where the source of sooo much passion exists. I want to get back to that brave writer who spoke out her thoughts. Publicly declaring but clearly only personally hearing. When I could dwell on what I knew and what I didnt know and what I longed to know. When I felt pretty human. Its funny I say that. because what I strive for isnt exactly of the human„ nature.
i know who I am. But I want to be able to know how to own me. How to show that I don’t belong to myself yet I can never be more certain of being why I am. Why i control me but surrendered me. I need You on this one. You’ve always known I do.
Hm.. more than what’s more. And it never ends .. .
