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Jesus is not like the charm of fishing. “The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.” -John Buchan. Instead, Jesus is living truth. A guaranteed hope. Joy that is set in its place, promised for you, waiting for you. Unlike the evasive fish, He is rock. So set your feet on him, and you will have a firm place to stand.
can u miss something that you dont miss? If you miss missing something that you don’t miss anymore like u used to, does that mean something more than merely wanting to feel that something again? Before, when you thought you used to make sense. of when you could better articulate what your senses sensed? When you could dig deep and at least present those existences with words as in a blog site. As in a song. As in a blank now filled sheet of white.. paper?
It seems as though the more I grew, the more I knew, the more I’m experiencing, the greater my headaches, the lesser my words. the more painful my searches, the easier I move on and do on. For something else. For someone else. For what He says. For everything besides myself. Its funny I say this. because its exactly what I asked for. And what I will continue to, ask for.
I just want to feel deeper. I want to sense that endless whirl of emotions and expressions of the heart, of the very being of me. Where the source of sooo much passion exists. I want to get back to that brave writer who spoke out her thoughts. Publicly declaring but clearly only personally hearing. When I could dwell on what I knew and what I didnt know and what I longed to know. When I felt pretty human. Its funny I say that. because what I strive for isnt exactly of the human„ nature.
i know who I am. But I want to be able to know how to own me. How to show that I don’t belong to myself yet I can never be more certain of being why I am. Why i control me but surrendered me. I need You on this one. You’ve always known I do.
Hm.. more than what’s more. And it never ends .. .
It was an epiphany: scientists had been trying for decades to grow immortal cell lines using normal cells instead of malignant ones, but it never worked. They thought their technique was the problem, when in fact it was simply that the lifespan of normal cells was preprogrammed. Only cells that had been transformed by a virus or a genetic mutation had the potential to become immortal.
—
from the Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
this passage reminded me of the truth that we’re all meant to die. But through the transformation of our hearts caused by faith in Jesus Christ, believing in his death and resurrection, we can all live in eternity with Him.
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
— I dare you to move
This is life. Its meaning is there’s no constant happiness. But there’s permanent joy. You stick with God because only then will you be fine. There’s no other way. In his presence, within his kingdom, in his arms, following him is the only place where I am able to see life as an adventure, with its necessary ups and downs. Without God, the adventure’s only a road with an end that’s determined by mood swings and feelings, a chaotic adventure full of burdening pain and confusion. accompanied by its deceiving temporaries and abused pleasures.
Then you come to the moral lesson regretting your decisions or you live in the past. Compared to diving in the journey with a faithful father who molds you through fire and when you get across that obstacle, you slowly find even joy in your suffering. because you know every single moment of it was worth the commotion knowing you serve such an awesome God.
That indescribable eternity that lives in someone who loves this man called Jesus the Christ. The man many shoved aside, mistaking him for another spiritual dude who thinks he knows everything. I once asked someone why she believed in this Jesus. Paraphrasing her words she stated that why wouldn’t she believe in somebody who would die for her. If I could add on to that, not only did he die but that man lived again. Proving to be god. stirring our minds, our lives, convincing us that purpose exists. Setting a standard higher than humans’, giving sense to all the why’s and what’s and how’s of - do i live.
The hard questions are only parts. There’s also the part where a life is changed forever. The part where one begins to understand that maybe its meant to be this way.
There’s nothing like your sunrise. Red and orange hues of the sky in a horizontal view, dropping to ease the night.
Help me define my emotions, Lord. Let them be a part of me. Make them strong. I want to be human.
Provide me with your gift of companionship. A sweet caress for the heart, relaxing my inner soul, unconsciously living, lost in the core of familiarity.
Or even that of new. Surprise me.
There’s…an existence so deep that I believe it’s not found within me. To be is to have someone know you’re alive. Someone must’ve given us the want of friends, the want to love. The feel of company. The easy laughter.
why do my insides say ‘you don’t have the guts to express yourself’ ? Words are the tools used that take time. for me. some are born to joggle words blindfolded. Words, I don’t have enough of them. I have to shuffle a million times before the right positions come out.Giving a good posture to my ability to express through literature. Yet so many things exist within me. How else do I paint them out?
Songs require lyrics. Or at most they do. Poems have rhymes. Well, my being suggests a different form of way of perception to let out what lives inside my body that’s so physical making it so limited to understand this thing that is best (in our language) defined as spiritual. Some art that is nameless.
Crap, i don’ t know. It is found in hour-less worship. in family, in love. in prayer. in vacation.in conscious carelessness. in turning to praise in the midst of unwanted occurrences.
But however I begin to be in this place and effortlessly indulge in its fulfilling power to capture every single molecule of me, I know one truth. It all comes from above.
Words, they’ve been short lately.
it’s cold, behold, unfold, I’m frozen.
I feel emotions.
I won’t play a song. because that would stir them up and try to compromise things to come up with a feeling.
But I feel something that just exists. No definitude.
I’ll try to let it be. Even jotting it down forces a conclusion. But I’ll conclude for it to keep swaying like the waves of the ocean we have no control of.
I just feel.
I’m guilty of this thing called sin. In fact, I hate sin so much I think I’m helping promote it. How? Well, it’s not hard to show contempt against sin. But it’s hard to separate that hatred to the sinner. They’re so lost and broken that they rely on the nature infested with sin. It’s not easy to love on a broken heart that keeps pretending to be tough. I feel like a failure since I can’t see myself as an active vessel of love. I am used but can’t be used in certain levels of brokenness. Because you can’t fully love if you do not understand love. and you cant understand love if you have not love. I do have love. The greatest love. But sometimes I am not capable enough to love the way iam being unconditionally loved. because i am a sinner. and i continue to practice this curse called sin. Inevitably. Involuntarily. Unfortunately, even naturally. I’m all out of words to extend my expressing soul. I long to be like Christ yet I fail and fail. I am not the answer to a broken and lost soul. Jesus is. But if I could only indulge in Christ, so to always see the price of a saved life . But I fail to love. No. I fail to respond in love. I try so hard to believe. To succeed. To change. But the peace in my being isn’t constantly calmly breathing. At times, there’s a war. Waging. Fighting for God’s peace that I long for. But then he tells me I have saved you by grace. Its good to fight and aim for the prize but , I dont weigh your good deeds. Still. I cant help it. My imperfections scream at me to be willing. But my body is weak.
Its quite complicated. Its good that i fall short. keeps me reminded that i need God. The suffering oddly one can ask for because it produces desperation for a savior. And that’s when His presence is so ever present. So indescribably strong. But falling short also discourages the heart. I am saved. And so I strive. But in the little battles I win so rarely. Even if I give up the physical fight.
What’s so amazing about my savior is as long as He knows my heart is longing to be placed in his hands, there is no need to ask. He knows my worries. And he gives me wisdom. Once I quiet my soul to hear his voice surround me..
A living sacrifice, Romans 12. Whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night, He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season, and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers, Psalm 1.
Reading. can even lead you to enter eternal gates where happy forever after is found. Great. ;)
Not everything is psychological. Some things really do exist. Like when the singer in that song you’ve heard before seems literally out of tune. Like love. Like numbness. Did your mind create them before they were? Or did they just come to be then your mind came all over it? Your head. Sometimes its forcing you to think that you only thought that. and that’s the reason why it exists. NO. Not everything is psychological. Not everything is from your head. Like hope. Like God. Everything is. Your senses sense then your brain starts to embrace what is. Because then you figured. And then your soul chose how you’d feel. Your mind wants. Yet your soul stays true. Raw. Natural.
I don’t know what this is. But I’m closing it with what my being told me. When I worship through song. when my hands are lifted up. when my eyes are closed. when my heart meets one place. when my mind has one thought. when I’m there focused. when I’m standing on earth’s ground but I’m not. when my soul is light & recognizes clearly the fulfillment I already have. but I have a burden. to love. to serve my God. to serve him so badly. when I can’t express anymore. I’m still unstable. But God set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
I’m skin. I’m something crazy. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I’m his child. That’s all I am.
When I hang out with my family, I know I’m tired for the right reasons. .
YES.
